Friday Feature: Shadeya Walker

Who Am I When Everything is Painful?

I couldn't find a word to fill this sentence for a while. I kept asking myself, what could possibly describe the way I feel in this season of my life? I then began to fill this blank with everything but the Truth... But Truth is, sometimes Life just hurts!

Ever since I graduated from college in 2012, my life seemed to take a turn for the worst. It was so uncomfortable for me because, I was use to being able to manage my life. At least I thought I did. I couldn't find a job for about 8 months. When I did find a job, it wasn't in my field. I experienced everything from failed relationships, to disappointment, to leadership failures and so much more. I found myself feeling so low and broken for a very long time.

I have always hidden the things that bothered me, or covered up my struggles because I felt like I had to be the strong one. I always suppressed my feelings or pushed them to the side. I have always tried to help others, knowing I was the one who truly needed help. I started operating on empty, and it literally took it's toll on me. I gained so much weight, I was always tired and sluggish from the constant stress and pressure I faced. My self-esteem has been at it's lowest, and I truly felt unworthy. Even though I never stopped serving God, my relationship never felt so far.

I am currently in a season of restoration, and God is truly rebuilding me from the inside out. I had to be real with God about all that I need. He already knew, I just needed to stop hiding from Him. I had to tell myself it's okay to feel hurt from life's constant blows.

So, Who Am I When Everything is Painful? I am HIS. God has shown me so much of who He is through my pain and sorrows. He is making me better and stronger through my hardships in life. He is working inside of me, and for that I give HIM PRAISE. He will never leave me or forsake me. I leave you with this scripture,

Phillipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Through the painfulness of life, you are His. Remember that God is always working in you during your most painful times.

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