"Who am I when everything is quiet?"
There are not many season where my life is quiet. There is so much in my life that requires me to be the complete opposite. In general, I am usually a very fun and outgoing person. However, being that person can sometimes become draining. In this season of my life, I find myself constantly in a position where I can't be quiet in public but behind closed doors there are so many thoughts that plague my mind in the silence. Some of them being "Am I doing the right thing ? Am I good enough? Am I being the person God has called me to be ? How do I improve or change the things I don't like about myself ? " (just to name a few). The answers to these questions truly vary from day to day.
For majority of my life I have struggled with Low self- esteem and insecurity. These feelings are not exactly based on how I look but mostly on the person I am on the inside. There are so many things that growing up and even now I do not like about myself and I struggle to see how God can use those things or me even in spite of those things. There are a lot of times when I'm quiet with all of these thoughts in my head and I have to fight to hear Gods voice. I try to listen closely to what He says about me. Recently, in my life I have seen how thoughts of negativity can set in during quiet times because you have so much time to think. The thoughts come so quick but usually take so long to go away.
I would be lying if I said I have gained control over these negative thoughts, but everyday I try to empower myself more and more in the word of God and what He says about me. Some days are better than others but I refuse to let the quiet place become a place where I dwell on negativity. One thing that is helping me in this season of quiet is my favorite scripture , Philippians 4:7-8 which states, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things".
In spite of what is going on and how WE feel about what is going on or even ourselves, it is important for us to think on the positive and what God thinks about us. That is where our peace comes from. So as WE move forward, let's think on these things.