Who Am I When Everything In My Life Isn't Going As Planned?
Around this time last year I was planning for so many things that never happened. I was planning to move into my first townhouse, finally moving into off campus housing. I was planning to start my internship so that I could graduate in May 2016. On top of that I was planning to be married on April 2, 2016. It was sad to say that I was unsuccessful with every one of those goals. I did move into a townhouse but that lasted for 4 months and then I decided to move out because the job I did have was temporary. I thought I had everything planned out for the next year. So many goals accomplished, and celebrations, I was super excited about what I thought God had planned for me until I realized that it was more of my plans than His. Deciding to move off campus paying nothing to moving into a townhouse meant more responsibilities and a full time job which if you are a senior, social work major at Morgan then you know it is impossible for you to work full time. I had classes and then my internship, that’s little to no free time. There was absolutely no way to make that work and I had already signed the lease and had the keys so, there was no turning back. I had to make a decision to take a year off and focus on working so, I moved in with a friend. It sucked to have to go through all of this! On top off that my engine blew in my car and I no longer had transportation anywhere! But I was hopeful that God would make a way for me to finish my undergrad degree that next year.
As some people know I was engaged to the love of my life! I know you’re looking at the word “WAS” like what happened? But to be honest with you life happened and we weren’t prepared for it. We knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and still do, but God has a funny way of bringing light to our imperfections in such a way that it makes you want to either blame your partner for your flaws or repeatedly blame yourself instead of going to God and truly working on you. When you do not truly work on yourself when deciding to add another life to yours it can destroy you, the person and those connected to you. God already knew this and we both already knew this but we wanted it immediately instead of trusting God’s timing with what He had given us. Sometimes it’s not about the when but the how. Instead of asking God “when will I move into a house?,” “when will I graduate?”, “when will I get married?”, I should’ve been asking “how can I prepare myself for what you have in store for me?”, “how can I prepare myself for your son in marriage?”, “how can I deal with my issues without hurting someone I love?”. Because I asked the wrong questions and I sought my own path instead of God’s, I caused so much pain not only to myself but to the people I claimed to love and ended up delaying my purpose. I lost everything I had planned for myself and at that moment I had no choice but to depend solely on God and that’s exactly what I did. I started to read, pray and talk more to people I trusted with my issues and life. I stopped planning for my future for a second and surrendered to God’s will for me. Once I made that choice, so many amazing things happened in my life. I will share a few blessings that God provided for me a year after so many things went wrong.
I received 10,000 dollars more for school including a free apartment to live with amazing roommates. My internship for this year is way better than last year’s internship because it aligns more with my career and purpose. I now have my own organization for young girls in Baltimore and other areas geared towards enhancing confidence and self-esteem and the first program will be at the school in which I am interning at. I have a brand new car which, I love! Last but not least, me and the love of my life are in an amazing place and I am so excited for what God is doing in both of our lives. This process was not easy at all. God showed me things I never thought I would have to see or experience. God gives us our distinctive meaning and purpose. How foolish are we to think that we could control and determine when it will happen? If we expect God to get the glory out of the accomplishments that we make then we have to expect for God to lead us in those accomplishments so that He can be fully satisfied. We have to stop asking God when will He do it and just ask Him how? He will definitely answer the how before the when. He wants to make sure your aren’t impatient but instead ready to know how you can serve and assist Him. We are His servants, assisting Him with His plans not our own and when you decide to fully submit to what God has in store for you then He will give you the plans you had already had in store for yourself. I was delayed not denied for my own good.