Who am I when everything is a thorn?
When I was little, my mom would always say “well, it’s just another thorn in my flesh". I never knew the meaning of that statement until I really started to feel the “thorns in my flesh". I am so young at 28 yet I feel like I have went through a bush of thorns in my life which has made me feel weak and undefeated. I feel like most times, I am not where I want to be in life in regards to ny career and living situation. I walk around with a smile on my face daily but behind my glasses, a smile and layers of clothing, there are thorns piercing my side. Each thorn has a name; years of low self-esteem, fear, being picked on ( never used the word bullied), low confidence, torn relationships with guys, family deaths, living situation, repairing relationship with my dad, not feeling smart enough, two jobs, bills, school (middle school to college), suicidal attempts, state boards for my RN, battling acne, allergies, rejection, abandonment, being a minority and the list of thorns goes on and on. People who talk with me daily has no idea of the pain that drives through my flesh; no one knows how deep that the thorns bury through my skin; no one knows but the Lord.
Who am I when everything is a thorn? I am hit on all sides; what is next? Sometimes I am bitter, hiding, crying, hurt, anxious, unloved, weak, and lazy; how can I keep pushing? I was like Eve in the Bible where I was deceived by the devil but right now I can say I chose life, I chose Jesus. It is Grace that have kept me from dying a long time ago. I am at a point in my life where I accept all of my thorns and realize that each one serves as a lesson to help me grow physically and it helps me grow stronger in the Lord. A thorn can either hinder you or help you and right now, mine's is helping me to have faith in the One who can not only help me through the pain but also remove the pain.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7- 10-.... "I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Although what I go through may be a torment of the devil but the Lord has full control of what the devil does to me. God gives me what He knows that I can handle. He knows that if He continues to allow the devil give me thorns, then I will be strong enough to take those thorns, learn from it, use it to help me and others and also use it to fight back. I try to commune with Him daily with devotionals and just talking to Him. My outlet through my times are writing, driving, having a good cry, taking selfies, and taking myself out on a date. I am in God’s classroom where I am continuously learning, loving myself, and ensuring that I am a child of the most High God, a queen who can withstand all thorns because I am strong through Him. My thorns are my testimonies!