Who Am I When Everything is DELAYED?
Since I could remember I always loved to talk and sing. I knew everything I wanted to achieve and I had a deadline of when I wanted to get there. My Freshman year of college I questioned God and my dreams because I felt like school was a burden instead of helping me. To be honest, I hated being a student. I loved my major and my school but I didn’t understand (at the time) why God had me there instead of out building my empire. I struggled so much that my expected graduation Date changed from May 2015 to Fall 2015. I asked God so many times, Why Am I Still Here? Deep down in my heart I always knew I wouldn’t finish until the Fall but I did everything I could not to return to school but GOD. In the midst of me waiting for my time to come, I wrote. Every situation, feeling, and lesson God put me through, I wrote into songs. In the midst of my growing pains I met a gorgeous chocolate man who I still have the pleasure of calling my Boyfriend (Courtship Mate for the saints, lol). I knew that when God called me to start building his MINISTRY I wanted someone to share it with. I prayed and I waited. But even in this relationship I am still praying…and I’m still waiting. You might ask why? We are 263 miles away from each other. What do you do when you both have God-given assignments in separate places? Every chance people get to ask “When are you getting married?” they ask. Little do they know….we want to know the answer just as much as them. So who am I when everything is delayed?
I was….(sometimes still..)
1. Frustrated because I knew exactly what I wanted for my life but I didn’t know how to get there. I felt like God had forgotten about me and my dreams. I felt like no one took me seriously. All the ideas I had and songs I wrote stayed in a book until God would bless me with the support and resources I needed to start. I knew what God had called me to but I wasn’t focused on when He wanted me to start them; I had my own clock running. Not trusting God timing caused a lot of frustration.
2. Doubtful because everything I want seems impossible to reach. God will I ever live my dream? Do people see you when they see me? Will they ever be inspired by my words and my songs? Will we ever get married? These are all the questions I asked God DAILY. I know who God is and believed wholeheartedly that he COULD do anything but I wasn’t fully convinced that He WOULD do it for me.
3. Impatient because that’s just one fruit of the spirit I struggle with. The waiting game is tough, trying and can be stressful IF you're doing it without God. I didn’t care what God wanted me to do while waiting….I just didn’t want to wait! Everyday I see a person my age living MY dream and I wondered when my “appointed time” was….(Habakkuk 2:3)
With God I am…
Patient because it takes ALL OF HIM for me to practice patience. It’s NOT easy but it leaves me stress free and respectful toward God instead of rushing him. There is a time and a season for everything. Don’t rush your season because you may miss out on the lesson that season brings. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Gods Timing is always perfect.
Trusting God because He CAN and He WILL. Every time a negative thought enters my head that brings doubt into my heart, I say ,”God Can, God Will” There is power in words! This helps me to not be on the fence about Gods Power. How can you know his power but not trust that he will use it for you? “But God you promised!” God wanted me to trust him more than the promise. If he said, he’s going to do it.
Complete & Lacking Nothing stated in James 1:4 (“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”) I choose encouragement instead of being frustrated, patience instead of lack, trust instead of doubt, and LOVE because it conquers all.
“A Delay Is Not a Denial…it’s Divine” - Joyce Meyer