Who Am I When Everything is Being Restored?
1 Peter 5:10-11The Message (MSG)
Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.
I am in a season of my life where God is restoring me and making me whole again. I went through several seasons of struggle and brokenness. Healing takes place when you truly just let go and let God. Some issues will require a person to obtain a prescription or four along with several trips to a mental health profession, but your soul will always need Jesus and God is our ultimate healer. I have some great childhood memories, and I have some awesome young adulthood memories, but my life has its share of messiness. No one knew until I was almost a teenager that I was being molested by a man who I thought was my grandfather. When I decided to “ Say Something” , I felt like it was the biggest regret of my life. It was my fault that I let a man I loved and trusted do the things he did to me, Its my fault that my family disowned me for not keeping the family secret, and it will be my fault for all the times I will have to be lonely. All of this was going through my head as a child. Sure people told me that it was not my fault, but I was taken from family members that I truly loved, my cousins were my best and only friends and the only reason I would visit. So thinking that nobody loved me, I had issues with my adoptive family being abusive, and my biological family calling me a liar and disowning. So I had this wall with years of layers, you had to be a strong person to get through to me, so therefore I had very few friends, and never really had a boyfriend experience so people thought I was gay . I wore big boy clothing to cover my body, so that I would not be touched, I hated to be hugged and touched because of all the previous violations that took place. People would get offended because I did not want to be touched, but they never really asked why or wanted to know why, they just judged me and some would even grab me and hug me, and I would have anxiety attacks and become outraged. You would think that this was my only struggle, but no. I was homeless for years, living with people I barely knew, sleeping on floors, begging administrators at my school to help me. I was on academic probation two times, and even lost my financial aid. I wanted to kill myself, I did not think life was worth living, and I tried to Kill myself but it did not work. I was in a major car accident, and I basically walked away with my life. I lost my good paying job, and I was broke for two years….
BUT GOD……..restored it all throughout my life, and is continuing to restore what was taken away.
Although I was doing bad in school, I graduated with a 3.2 on time, I also obtained my Master’s degree. Although I lost my job, I was able to stay in my home, keep my vehicle, food in the house. From this struggle I have become an extreme couponer, and I now help everyone save money. I have created so many legitimate hustles from this struggle. I now have a job I enjoy, and I am able to help people with struggles they have in life. I have met some great friends around the United States and I love them dearly. I have church families who have supported me and prayed for me. I am building relationships with family that are interested in being in my life. I am now able to embrace people without feeling violated, I am now able to sit alone in a room with men and not feel as if I will be attacked. I am able to enjoy life and build great memories one more time. This is who I am when everything is being restored.