Who am I when everything is a precursor to the life I am destined for?
A season as we know it is nothing but a period of time where things tend to go one way or another. It’s for good or bad or indifferent. In my 34 years of living I have come to understand that our life is broken into several seasons. And these seasons are what shapes us, the very core of our being is best displayed by what we have experienced in life, and undoubtedly the fact that we are still here to talk about it.
My mother told me a long time ago to always just be prepared. Life is going to toss and turn you in spite of the good work you do. When she spoke of being prepared it wasn’t of any other nature than mentally. Mental preparedness would be my key going forward. To many family members and friends I am the one stoic by nature. This is not to say that I do not show emotion, I am just able to bounce back more quickly than others. See in the lesson my mother taught me, I knew that wallowing in sorrow would leave me standing flat footed. That type of complacency was never my style.
1 ½ years ago I lost my mother to the effects of a massive stroke she suffered while in recovery from a heart transplant. A mouthful, right? As much as we knew mom was well on her way to living the full life that she aspired to after getting her new heart. She had grandkids that she loved dearly and wanted to watch them grow. I was supposed to buy a house and she would live on my west wing. Her time was cut short just like that. They removed the ventilator and for three days she breathed on her own. I know for sure that for those three days she was working things out with the Lord. I felt peace in knowing that, it still didn’t change the fact the the first person I had ever loved was gone… this hurt more than any relationship, any hardship, any pain. She was gone and there was no way I could bounce back from this.
As my hardened exterior began to crumble just like the world around me seemed to be doing, I found comfort in unexpected places. There were actually people watching and admiring me for what I had accomplished so far despite my circumstances. My children gave me my deepest inspiration, they loved me unconditionally. They looked at me with innocence in their eyes and just expected... expected me to do and be my best at all times. Through them I understood that it was okay to feel and express feelings again. Some of the greatest relief I have comes through my tears. Joy, happiness, purging grief. I was no longer afraid to show just how vulnerable I was. I owed this to them and because of these feelings I am able to better connect with the world around me.
My testimony, my breakthrough has by no coincidence come from my struggle. I had to recognize and believe that I was and am always greater than my situation. These things made me exactly who I am today. As this chapter commences, I regret nothing. I live abundantly. I love without fear. I grow more each day. This is where I am and I intend to bring as many Kings and Queens along with me; young and old. Mountains are moving on our behalf, strongholds are breaking, I want to be in the midst of our greatness… as I have said to the Lord on several occasions, I am ready send me where you need me and I will go.
1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,